Fly Away
by Vee-sempai
Summary: Squall's thoughts as a child on his forced loneliness...


  
I'm doing the best I can... I really am...  
My plaintive voice went largely unheard by the caterpillar that was picking its way across my bare knee. The little bug just continued on its little way, ignoring everything else. Someday it was gonna become a butterfly, so it didn't matter what anybody said to it. Someday it was just gonna fly away and be free.  
Even if it was just a little bug now, someday it was gonna have wings.  
I poked it lightly, trying vainly to annoy it into listening to me. It wasn't fair that the caterpillar could just ignore me, just because it was gonna fly away someday.  
Not like me. I was always gonna be here... cause I was never gonna grow wings and fly away like a butterfly. Mom died, and Sis had gone away, so I was never gonna be able to leave. I was an orphan... that sad word that everybody tried not to say around me or the others. Orphan. All alone.   
Always gonna be all alone.  
It was always really quiet in the afternoon, when I could sneak away. I liked this tree... it was little and close to the ground like I was, so I didn't have to reach for it or anything. Just climb up and sit until it was time for dinner. Nobody ever came here and bothered me.  
They all wanted to be friends. But they were so bright and happy, cute and pettable, just like the bug that was making its way towards my sock. So they were gonna find somebody to take them home. And I was gonna stay here in my tree forever.  
And that was the way it was gonna be. That was fine with me. If nobody adopted me, then I wouldn't have parents that could die, or sisters and brothers who could go away. I wouldn't have to curl up and cry at night again. Gonna be all alone... s safer that way. If you hurt yourself falling down a stairwell, don't go that way again. It's only being smart, and that's what they always tell us t' do in class and stuff. Be smart. Take care of yourself. Protect yourself from people who're gonna hurt you. Or things that're gonna hurt you or you can use to hurt other people. Like guns or knives. Or bad people who try to take you home, people you don't know.  
Like all those people who wanna us... with those big bright eyes and smiles and big fingers that pinch your cheeks and tell you how wonderful you are when they've never seen you before in their life.   
I'm just being smart, that's all, I informed the fat little caterpillar that was now creeping over my sneaker. It was leaving... that wasn't fair. It wasn't allowed to leave until it grew wings and flew away as a pretty butterfly. So I stuck a finger in front of it and waited patiently for those prickly little legs to crawl onto me. Then I picked it up and dropped it back onto my knee. It busily started its way down again.  
Trying to leave me all alone. Stupid caterpillar. How did it know that I was all alone? I frowned at it, wanting to squash it right there with a rock, but not doing it because it was gonna fly away someday, and I shouldn't be jealous just because I couldn't.  
But I was, and I still wanted to squish it. But I didn't, because that would be mean, even though it was only a stupid little bug. Just a fat little green caterpillar that ate leaves and lived in the trees and didn't bother with little kids like me. It was gonna be a butterfly and fly away, so it didn't have to worry itself with me.  
  
The voice was one I knew, and I hid back behind the leaves of the big tree, peeking out and scowling. There was a little boy there, a little blond boy in silly poofy shorts and a big green shirt that hung off his arms, round blue eyes staring at me with those hopeful sparkles he always has. I know him... he always wanted to be my friend too, but he didn't poke me and bother me like everybody. He was kinda nice.  
So I came out, picking the caterpillar off my knee and putting it back on the branch where it had been when I had first climbed the tree today. I mutter at him, grumpy and cranky after having been disturbed, just like always. That was why nobody talked to me. Well, nobody but him, after Sis had left. He didn't really seem to mind too much when I was cranky.  
I, uh... He scuffed his sneakers over the grass, then blinked at me with those big eyes again. I got adopted. So I wanted t' say bye.   
I didn't say anything, but after he gave me a hug like always and then left, I knew that he was flying away too. He was a pretty butterfly now too. Just like the caterpillar that was crawling on my knee.   
So I watched him fly away. And I inched my way back to the tree, waiting alone for my own wings.


End file.
